


A Lesson in Xenobiology: Cherubs

by FunkMcLovin



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:47:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22760449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunkMcLovin/pseuds/FunkMcLovin
Summary: Calliope leads a class on cherub anatomy, but one of her students butts in.
Relationships: Calliope/Aranea Serket
Kudos: 9





	A Lesson in Xenobiology: Cherubs

Calliope was over the moon. She was an avid collector of knowledge, and at long last she had an outlet for that knowledge other than a lonely book of fan art in the old dismal home she used to share with her brother. She briskly walked through the halls of New New York State University, a smile on her bright, skeletal face. People waved, students smiled, all bustling their own way through the halls on their way to their various classes. Calliope nodded to each one politely in turn. She wasn't much of a "people" person- She wasn't a "person" at all, strictly speaking, but she still savored the reverent, educational atmosphere of the university halls.

And then, the atmosphere seemed to shatter when she stepped into her classroom.

"Good morning, Calliope," said a smug, familiar voice. Calliope winced. Of course SHE would be the first one in class, today.

"Hello, Miss Serket," replied Calliope, not bothering to hide her dry scorn.

Calliope began to unpack her suitcase, arranging some papers on the desk in the pit of the lecture hall, sketching some skeleton models on the blackboard. She felt Aranea's hot eyes on the back of her own bald green head. She despised how watched Aranea made her feel, like Callie was a creature in a zoo and Aranea was a park-goer munching on peanuts.

Other students began to file in, alleviating much of Calliope's Aranea-related anxiety as she finished up the day's diagrams. Today was a favorite day of hers- She finally would be able to teach her class about her favorite xenobiological topic: Cherub development. After all, she was uniquely in tune with the subject herself!

"Good day, class!" Calliope said, the cheer returning to her voice as she grinned a toothy, pine-colored smile, addressing her pupils. Students nodded and made vague noises of affirmation, which Calliope seemed to take like a performer took applause. She pressed a hand to her chest, speaking in a somewhat theatrical tone of voice, big round eyes sweeping across the room. "I am excited about today's subject and I think you will be too, loves! I cannot wait to get into it. Why don't we start fresh? Take your notepads out, this WILL be on the test." Calliope stifled a giggle. She always got a kick out of saying that! Yes, her spirits were high, even though she could still feel Aranea's analytical gaze on her from the front row.

Calliope clapped her hands together.

"Who can tell me what a cherub is?" She asked. A number of hands raised, none quite as fast as Aranea's. Calliope winced. She hated how Aranea's arm was always so straight like she was begging to be called on, or how Aranea didn't just raise a flat palm, but balled a fist and raised her pointer finger like she was pointing skyward. Calliope ignored her, calling on a bronzeblooded troll in the back.

"Uh. _You're_ a cherub, right, Professor?"

"Right you are, Tudykk!" Calliope cheered. If she were a teacher a few grades lower, she'd press a gold star to Tudykk's forehead. "I am a cherub, a race of interstellar, cold-blooded sentient reptiles. They are unique from many of the fauna we've discussed, as they have neither a home planet or native universe!"

"Ahem," Came a polite cough from the front row, followed by a hand raising into the air, pointing to the ceiling. Calliope swallowed.

"Yes, Miss Aranea?" She said slowly. Calliope cringed as instead of simply speaking, Aranea stood up from her seat, turning halfway around to address the classroom.

"While you are technically correct, Miss Calliope," Aranea said slowly, a faint smile on her lips. Calliope clenched her teeth for not being addressed as "professor." "While you are technically correct, Cherub bones have been found en masse on Universe B2's Alternia, suggesting they got their start on or nearby before they evolved into the spacefaring individuals we observe today."

The class sighed along with Calliope as Aranea smugly dusted off her deep blue blazer, adjusting her spectacles.

"Yes, well put, Miss Serket," Calliope forced herself to respond, waiting for Aranea to sit down. "As I was saying," she continued, straightening her cherry-red bow tie. "Cherubs have a truly fascinating life cycle."

"A cherub begins their life as many creatures do- In an egg!" Calliope breathed, hitting her stride again. She hoped vainly that this would be Aranea's only interruption. "The egg is particularly thick, you see, as it has to survive a fall through a planet's atmosphere. It is uniquely patterned, usually in a monochrome stripe, though some have been observed in checkers or polka-dots! The egg strikes the planet and the egg hatches approximately a year later.

"Once the egg hatches, the infant cherub emerges using its sharp teeth." Calliope pointed to a diagram on the board depicting a snake-like creature with a bulbous head. "In this stage, it has no more sense than an animal, little more than a mere snake, in fact. Cute, don't you agree?" Callie grinned, her own teeth matching that of her diagram. The class chuckled demurely. "It then searches for something sweet to eat, and as luck would have it, its egg's shell does the trick nicely, a fine baked sugar snack for our little infant cherub. If the cherub is unable to consume most of its egg for some reason, it must seek out different food before progressing to its next stage of development.

"After eating enough sugar, the cherub will undergo one of two chrysalis phases. It will regurgitate much of the sugar then climb into the putrid sludge to undergo its first metamorphosis!" Calliope beamed happily as some of the class gagged. She always loved getting a reaction! "The cherub emerges as an adolescent in just a few hours, now possessing arms and legs. It also develops its characteristic split-personality."

"Ahem!" Came another polite front-row cough. Calliope winced. This time, she frowned when Aranea raised her hand. Calliope tried to use her most patient voice possible.

"Let's hold our questions until the end of class, shall we?" Calliope said with a forced grin. Instead of lower her hand, Aranea stood up, tossing her raven hair over her shoulder flamboyantly. She did another half-turn, addressing the class instead of the professor. Calliope blushed deep red, half in shame, half in frustration.

"Of course, Miss Calliope, but I have more of a comment," Aranea said dryly, smiling the most phony of smiles at her teacher. "Well, maybe a better term would be critique- Isn't it true that evidence suggests that a cherub can grow arms and legs gradually instead of in its chrysalis?" Aranea turned back to face Calliope, that infuriating smile still painting her lips.

"There... There is some evidence, yes, but..." Calliope scanned the room- A few people were writing down what Aranea had said! "But that won't be on the test, since it only occurs in fringe cases!" She said hastily. Calliope was getting flustered, she didn't like being interrupted like this, let alone by Aranea. "L-let's continue." She said quickly, before Aranea could interject.

"As I was saying," Calliope took a slow breath. This really shouldn't be getting to her this much, she was just horrible at social interactions. She didn't know how to handle confrontation of this type, frozen and befuddled by Aranea's advances. "The adolescent Cherub then spends its years on the planet its egg was dropped on, searching for food. It can subsist on local fauna and flora, and, if need be, minerals, should the planet be uninhabited. Depending on the available food, the cherub will mature over the course of about sixteen years."

"Sixteen years or more," Aranea said, without raising her hand this time. Calliope sucked in a haughty breath.

"Sixteen years or more," she agreed, glaring at Aranea. "During those sixteen years-"

"Or more." Aranea repeated.

"Or more," Calliope said through gritted teeth. "The cherub will begin to piece together a unique fact about its physiology: It is in fact two beings in one body!" Calliope pointed to another diagram on the board, featuring two cherub-faces with swirls on the cheekbones. "When one personality goes to sleep, the other will awaken. When each cherub's personality wakes, it will find itself in unfamiliar surroundings and strange situations. Over time, the two personalities will begin to communicate. They will generally be very different, diametrically opposed in fact- For instance, one cherub might be predisposed to kindness and care, protecting the fauna of its home planet, while the other might be vindictive and cold, wishing to do those same fauna harm! Cherubs communicate by leaving messages for their doppelganger to wake to, or worse... Corpses of the people they care for!

"Eventually, however... The stronger personality will win out and predominate, taking over the body for good. The other personality will forever fade, and when the cherub goes to sleep, they will finally dream. Once the cherub possesses one predominant personality, their cheeks will fill in with color, and they will spin a final chrysalis."

"Professor," someone spoke up from the back. Calliope was infinitely relieved it wasn't Aranea this time. "Your cheeks aren't filled in."

"An astute observation!" Calliope said, smiling. She loved when her students caught on so quickly. She took a breath to begin explaining why she had never predominated, but she didn't get to start.

"Miss Calliope never predominated. She was a special case," Aranea said, turning to the student. Calliope blinked. She'd never had her thunder stolen like that, and she could only watch helplessly as the student scribbled Aranea's words down in his notebook. Calliope balked, unable to speak for a moment, suddenly very aware of all the eyes on her.

"Aranea!" She said, indignantly. "P-please do not speak over my lecture!" Calliope's fists balled on her table. "Furthermore, please do not say something as flippant as that about me, it happens to be something of a sore subject."

"Of course, Miss Calliope," Aranea said, with nauseatingly spurious remorse, leaning back in her seat. Somehow every move Aranea made, no matter how minute, exuded an infuriating confidence that Calliope both despised and felt jealous of. "Do go on. We're waiting."

Callie's teeth clenched again, eyes fixed on Aranea. She felt sick, she felt like she wanted to reach across the desk and wrap her hands around Aranea's neck, wipe that smug grin off her face. She shook a little before taking one last, particularly deep breath. Calliope glanced at the clock. Thank GOD. Only a few minutes left in the period, she just had to finish the last leg of her lecture.

"F-finally," Calliope began, voice cracking just a little. "The predominant cherub breaks free of its chrysalis and develops wings with the ability to break through the atmospheres of most planets. It seeks a high point and leaps into space, beginning a new life, a life among the stars. If the vindictive cherub predominates, it seeks new hunting grounds. If the benevolent cherub does, it seeks to save its home planet from its own raw strength, for an adult cherub, no matter what predilection it has, has quite a capacity for destruction." Calliope breathed a sigh of relief. She'd finished. The ending bell rang. "For tomorrow, please read pages 122-167! We will be discussing a Cherub's mating practices!"

"A topic I'm sure Calliope adores discussing," said Aranea, loud enough for the class to hear. Calliope paled as the students chuckled, their light laughter like daggers pelting Callie from every angle. Her mouth was agape as she struggled to find a comeback in her addled brain. She could not. The last student lingered at the doorway, calling back to Callie. Of course it was Aranea, that same complacent, self-righteous, conceited half-smile shining down from on high. Calliope looked at Aranea helplessly as the smug Serket had the audacity, the NERVE, to blow a KISS towards Callie as she left.

"See you tomorrow," Aranea said, pausing dramatically before purring her final three syllables, winking behind her horn-rimmed glasses. " _Professor_."

Calliope slumped into her chair, dumbfounded.


End file.
